I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
