Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
