Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
