So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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