Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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