I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
