My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
