No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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