so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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