Sry I called you an 8
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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