Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
