Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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