Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
