I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
