Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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