Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
