Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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