Soap is not a condiment
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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