Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
