Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
