ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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