Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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