I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
