I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
