Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
