between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
