I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
