thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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