he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
