And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
