I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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