Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
