I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
