i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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