I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
