In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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