Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's get the cat blown out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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