hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
