It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
