Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
