Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
