We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
