I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
