ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
