I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
