my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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