Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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