I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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