he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
