ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
