he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
