Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
