it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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